Megan brought back a lot of painful memories with her Legends of the Superheros clips. I have been a life long comic book fan and one of those things that always lit up my smile was when we heard about a Marvel movie. I grew up essentially a Marvel guy with DC overtones so after Batman (Burton version) came out, rumours started to fly about other projects. I'm old enough to remember the hype of the James Cameron version of Spider-Man that was never to be. Unfortunately I'm also old enough to remember other painful things. Things some of you are curious about but much like bad crack, if you try them because your curious you may end up with brain damage and horrible scarring to your psyche.
So as a public service, I figured I'd round up some of the bad I've seen, tell you why you should not see it and saving you the anguish that I've already gone through.
Captain America (1991)
See Cap Throw His Shield! See The Red Skull! See Cap walk from Alaska to Florida in a matter of hours...no I'm not kidding. What a hunk of crap. The Red Skull appears in costume for maybe ten minutes and then when we see him in present day he had facial Reconstruction surgery so he doesn't look like the Red Skull...not to mention he's not even German in the film. Now why the Hell would you do that? The Cap costume itself is a little weak but I just blame the time period on that.
Surprisingly I could not find the trailer to the film but I did find some footage from people who actually like it.
The Fantastic Four (1994 version)
My dislike of both The Fantastic Four comic and the 2005 film are pretty well known and can be summed up into one word: Crap. However as much as I dislike the current version, the 1994 version is worse. It is an hour and a half of your life that you will never get back. The worst part was that this was essentially a deal maker. The film company (headed by B-movie god, Roger Corman) had the rights to do a FF movie but not the budget. Time was running out on those rights and people with money were actually looking at the project (most notably Chris Columbus who had lots of money at the time due to Home Alone). But in order to maintain those rights, Corman's company had to produce something...and produce something they did.
Here's the trailer:
Justice League Of America (1997)
Ok. You're a television exec for CBS. Superheroes have become cool and you need to cash in. You have the rights to several DC properties. Solution? Make a JLA show. Wouldn't that be awesome with Superman...wait can't use him due to a movie in the works....But yous till have Batman and Wonder Woman....nope can't use them either.
So we'll use Green Lantern (Cool), Martian Manhunter (cool), The Atom (alright...could be ok), and Fire....yup...Fire....ok...and Ice.... that's kind of lame but could work. The Green Lantern is going to be a mash up of all of the Green Lanterns but we'll call him Guy Gardner....why don't we just cancel it now before it gets worse.
And that boys and girls, is what they did. Oh and Winchester from MASH was Manhunter.
Now there are others that are mediocre. The Dolph Lungren Punisher movie, a bunch of Captain America tv movies from the 70's. but these are the worst. You can thank me later, for now I must lay down and take some advil.
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